Trout Republic: Rise of the machines

A person cannot open the newspaper or other news source these days without being inundated with stories about robots, artificial intelligence and our collective future inside the machine.
Robots cannot only put together a car but can run, walk, talk and perform acts, which cannot even be mentioned on the family channel let alone in a mixed crowd.
These feats of modern technology are amazing I have to admit but Ol’ Dutch is starting to wonder just where this all will end.
Of course it can be helpful to us normally error-ridden humans to have computerized help, but this week some of their intervention led to some funny results.
No matter where you type, some artificial intelligence in the cloud is sitting around waiting to make auto corrections to your text. And since he or she is limited in the sense of context, some funny and not so funny results can occur.
Ol’ Dutch was looking through some online sources for concrete work just this past week and found a guy advertising “concrete and whore house remodeling.”
I am not sure the demand for that kind of remodel but I guess he has a specialty that Ol’ Dutch has yet to experience. And Miss Trixie is quick to point out that I won’t anytime soon either.
It happens all the time and I love reading posts on social media or elsewhere when people are trying to “bear their soul,” have a “trolley motor” for sale, “crack dealing” instead of sealing the highway or “I am like listening to the genital thunderstorm sounds to put me to sleep” instead of gentle.
Having my text autocorrected is not too bad most of the time and since almost all of my texts are to friends they are fairly understanding of the problems inherent to the Internet.
But at work it can be quite a different story. The person who texted the interviewer that they “had a great “intercourse” for my new job” maybe needed to double-check that memo before sending it?
Personally, Ol’ Dutch thinks these types of errors are food for the soul or at least worthy of a good chuckle and people who are offended by them need to get a life outside of their normally stuffy confines.
Seeing penis inserted for pens, nipples for dimples, pregnant for Pringles, killed for kissed, lover for locker and fat for fair which will always get a person in trouble.
Ol’ Dutch has had his share of typos due to the great eye in the sky thinking he knows what I need to say or intend to say and that dang send button is just so handy I often forget to read what I wrote first.
I remember sending one such text about a bad “cut” this potential date had on her hand. It came out as “you are a bad (insert “c” word that should never be used) instead of you “have a bad cut” and of course, the dang autocorrect did not even flinch in helping me. That was a short-lived romance to say the least.
Miss Trixie is my filter on most things like this column to make sure I don’t make some crazy faux pas that shocks the sensibilities of normally sane people who read this column.
And having my own personal autocorrect right here in the house with me saves me a lot in the way of embarrassment and errors so at least a robot is not in my near future – yet.
However, show me a female robot that can fish and hunt and knows when to shut up and I will show you the next wave of happy marriages.
As for now, all you out there, need to get online and reed about knew ides that are on the horizontal and send some taxes about cat to your fiends. You’re welcomed!  

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.