Not a fit night out for man nor beast

I guess it's only fitting to address the record cold this week that has plunged even the Deep South into a morass of frozen pipes, electricity blackouts and firewood hoarding. Moments before the snow hit in the DFW area, Miss Trixie and I were out and about. On a major highway, we came upon a half-mile long traffic jam of folks trying to score wood to burn. Of course, people waited until the last second and that is what is called “The American Way.”

Yes, you could have bought all you could carry for a decent price just last week, but no one even considers that. Some neighbors to us here in Texas are without heat and even hard-hearted, old mountain man Ol’ Dutch is going to brave the 20-below wind chill and grab some for them off my pile.

I know, getting soft, aren't I?

We have been fortunate to still have electricity and propane and so far, this RV has kept us warm albeit the water finally froze off last night. We have a hydrant outside and can get water there for coffee and to flush, to which I say, what else is needed?

It looks like all the new houses built in DFW are all electric and have caused a huge strain on the infrastructure as demand is just too high for the power lines. The plumbers, however, are sure to benefit once this passes as people all over have frozen and broken lines to contend with.

Ol’ Dutch was perusing the online ads just this morning and saw a want ad placed by a Miss Amanda. She posted ever so clearly that she is looking for a “HANDSY MAN.” And no, I did not spell that wrong but am wondering just what she had in mind. Now while I do know a “handyman” is hard to find most of the time, most women have no trouble finding a “handsy” one and Miss Trixie would be quick to testify as to Ol’ Dutch’s abilities in that arena.

And Ol’ Dutch, ever the one to go to the rescue of a damsel in distress might even be able to help this gal out if Miss Trixie would only see the crisis that this poor woman is in?

I suppose however that what this dear lady really wanted was someone to fix her pipes and I can certainly understand that in this cold weather.

Way back in 1933 a comedic legend by the name of W.C. Fields starred in a movie called “The Fatal Glass of Beer.” It is set in the far North of the Yukon and all I can really recall about the story is Fields keeps opening the door to the cabin and exclaiming “ain’t a fit night out for man nor beast.” At that point, a bucket of studio snow is tossed in his face and he shuts the door. Finally, the last time he says the same line, no snow comes in, but he flinches waiting for some surprise off-camera.

Feeding and watering cows on my farm this week feels like the north Yukon in the dead of winter, and I can tell you for certain, W.C. Fields was right. It's just too darned cold.

This cold weather has also caused another problem as people are stuck inside with one another and as Jerry Clower once said, “too much of anything ain’t good.”

If not for Ol’ Dutch’s cheery and wonderful disposition plus handsome good looks, Miss Trixie and I might be headed for the inevitable splitting of the sheets. Although now that I think about it, who would want to divide up blankets in this cold weather? Best to just hunker down and suffer with the one you have. And where else will Miss Trixie find herself a “handsy man” or at least one with warm hands this time of year?

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV, or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.comor on Twitter at TroutRepublic.