If you got it, flaunt it

The past two weeks found Miss Trixie and Ol’ Dutch engaged in family duty with the two grands.

There are many good things that come about as a child ages, including their ability to communicate and reason.

Our wanderings often find one of the grands staying in the car with me and the other going in the store with Miss Trixie. It’s during these times that Grandpa teaches the fine art of people watching to the munchkins.

Now Ol’ Dutch has always been a great watcher of the human race as it is not only entertaining but also helps pass the time while waiting on the fairer half to shop.

When teaching this art to the next generation, it is important to stress the difference between laughing “with them” and not “at them.” The “them” being those who stroll past our ringside seats in the car or at the exit to a store.

We are not disappointed in the least as we get to see myriad fashions which can only be described as being inspired by years of drug abuse, parents trying to corral their children, old people trying to corral themselves and — the very best of all — people having a fight.

The last is such a joy to watch as one can only imagine how these very same couples manage to still go home together and most likely will survive the experience to argue again.

And the rules of our game are to make up what we believe they are fighting about. With youngsters playing, this usually covers things like the color of hair, whether to get ice cream on the way home, or how many boards he bought at the lumber yard.

If you are going to indulge in such people observing you will soon find there is no place you go that is bereft of entertainment.

Why just this past Saturday Ol’ Dutch sucked it up and attended a funeral of one of Trixie’s relatives. It's a rare treat for anyone to see me at a funeral or wedding these days as I attended way too many in my childhood as my father, Fast Freddy, was a pastor and we went to everyone that he officiated. No more for me, please.

Having forgotten my hearing aids, I was left in a quiet world for the service and the greeting times, so I got busy watching the crowd.

It was fairly good all in all but one thing I did notice was that some of the women took it upon themselves to wear tops that showed ample bosoms for all to see. And let me tell you this, Ol’ Dutch knows bosoms.

The funny thing about it was as I watched from a distance these same women, anxious to show the world their blessings, spent the whole time tugging and pulling at their clothes or serapes trying to cover them up.

I mean honestly, if you got them and going to wear such fixings then go ahead and flaunt them. But it suddenly dawned on me that most likely what happened was these “good clothes” were pulled from the back of some mothballed closet where they are kept for jury duty, weddings and funerals. You know, dress-up clothes. And in the intervening months and years since last worn said wearer probably had a few too many Twinkies and had increased a dress size or five.

Hence, they were sprouting out in bodacious plenty for all to see and had to tug and pull and stretch and cover best they could.

All in all, it was a good day. There is one thing about funerals in Texas, they are really more of a family reunion of the closest 350 relatives and that means laughter and good memories are plentiful.

And Ol’ Dutch gets to once again hear about the Loopers and Wilsons and other some-such-long-dead relatives of Miss Trixie as the old men retell stories from eons past.

So, to all of you out there who dread the coming season of shopping and waiting, grab a ringside seat and enjoy the show. It's better than television and a lot cheaper.


Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com.