I know nothing …. nothing!

I realize you have to be a tad older to recall the phrase “I know nothing …NOTHING!” made popular on a sitcom called “Hogan’s Heroes.”

“Hogan’s Heroes” was a weekly show about some Allied prisoners of war in a German camp whereby the prisoners got by with all kinds of sabotage and mischief right under their captors' noses. The goofy Kommandant Klink ran the POW camp aided by his trusty yet bumbling Sergeant Schultz.

In every episode it seems, Schultz would hear of plans or see something he shouldn't have and would respond, “I know nothing…nothing” and walk out. He was just trying to survive the war and not make waves and the best way he knew was to stay innocent of any and everything around him.

Which got me to thinking — a dangerous proposition according to Miss Trixie — about maybe, just maybe the more we know, the more that is required or expected of us. After all there was that Sergeant who was able to get along just fine knowing “nothing”. And he did it quite well I have to admit.

I think most men can relate that before they got married or hitched to someone’s wagon, they knew quite a bit about life, work, church, clubs, hunting and fishing just to name a few things we had to keep track of. And Ol’ Dutch did a lot of things and had some pretty important jobs of such but I soon found out that I knew “nothing” when around my “other.”

This can cause a lot of friction when men are younger as we still have some steam left in the old boiler. But as we age we find out that mostly we just do not care one way or the other about most things.

Now don't get me wrong, there are some things like caliber of deer rifle and kind of fly we are using that are not up for discussion, but generally we don't care where we eat, when we eat, what we eat, what we wear, who we socialize with, the color of the couch, blinds or carpets, where we have Thanksgiving and Christmas, who comes over and our opinion on most things can be flexible if need be just to get her to shut up. Did I say that?

Since Miss Trixie has been around it has come to me that I really don't need to know much as she has total recall and I can just ask her. This frees up hard drive space in the old beaner for Ol’ Dutch and is super efficient especially the older I get.

For instance just today my son “Bubs” texted me and asked if we were available to babysit the grands in November for a few days. Now it used to be that they would have to remind me over and over and over again about said date or I might forget up to and including the day of said commitment.

But sitting up in the aspens in my elk blind I simply forwarded that message to my Beloved and she put it in the database in her noggin. There is nothing like the feeling of being able to just forget said information and get onto bigger and better things like hunting.

As good as this is, there are some definite drawbacks to such an efficient storage system as it never seems to forget failures that Ol’ Dutch makes and these events, even though they are ten years old in happening, can come back to haunt me at the strangest times. Hopefully it comes rambling back out of Miss Trixie's mouth when I dont have my hearing aids in and since I only hear about 42% of what is said without them, my tresspasses don’t sound half bad. Or a tad less actually.

I also am not constantly asked to do things for other people as they think I don't know anything while Miss Trixie on the other hand fixes friends' computers, cooks for them, looks up massive amounts of information for them, orders Amazon for them and hundreds of other chores.

So if you need something done or want to know about anything at all call Miss Trixie. Because Ol’ Dutch knows NOTHING…..NOTHING..


Kevin Kirkpatrick and his yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.